


Find Yourself

by AvocadoLove



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Amnesia, Gen, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Past Brainwashing, Recovery, Temporary Amnesia, Zuko (Avatar) whump, Zuko Gets His Groove Back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-18
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28458222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvocadoLove/pseuds/AvocadoLove
Summary: Sequel to Lose Yourself. He was one a boy named Li, but now he's Zuko again... isn't he?
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 273
Collections: Finished111, The Best of Avatar the Last Airbender





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The original idea was to tell the story in a series of short chapters, so each one of these is bite sized.

**Note** : This fic is a direct sequel to [Lose Yourself](http://www.archiveofourown.org/works/109350) which you will have to read first to understand. (Don't worry, it's short.) This has been floating around on fanfiction.net for awhile now but I wanted to bring it over to AO3. Thank you!

* * *

The stone cuffs were tightly molded against Zuko's wrists. He tried to flex his hands, pouring as much subtle heat as he could manage, but it's no use.

"Where are you taking me?" he demanded.

The two Dai Li agents flanking either side of him didn't answer. They only marched forward – steadily forward, through long green-lit corridors.

Zuko tried again. "I don't understand. What is my crime?"

There was still no answer, and Zuko grit his teeth. Through an effort of will, he held back his flame. He was still pretty sure at this point the Dai Li didn't know he was a firebender, or they would have taken Uncle, too.

And then there was that moment, late as the tea shop was closing, when he saw Pao the shop owner slipping a small coin pouch to a few agents – the whole city was corrupt.

When he got out of here, Zuko swore, he'd burn down that stupid tea shop himself. He didn't care what Uncle said about it. _  
_  
The two Dai Li agents stopped him before a shadowed entrance-way. The door slid open; rock cuffs disengaging, but Zuko had no time to even think about fighting before he was spun and shoved backwards into a chair. More rock straps shot from the arms and legs, firmly binding him there.

"What is this?" he yelled and panic broke his voice. But before he could say anything more another strap covered his mouth.

A man in a low brimmed hat stood before him, hands clasped in parade stance behind his back. To the side, a lit lamp began to move.

And then…

* * *

.

.

.

* * *

... Zuko came to himself at last, staring into a pair of soft, blue eyes. Katara.

He jerked back with a shout of surprise – The fire came to him more out of instinct than malice, but even then it was nothing more than a hot flash. His hands were tied behind his back with a length of rope. Sokka—No, _The Water Tribe boy_ insisted on it, and Li had agreed.

Li had trusted them, but he hadn't trusted Zuko.

The movement threw him off balance, and Zuko fell ungracefully from his perch on the fountain's edge and hit the stone floor, hard.

Someone barked out a laugh. Another voice cried out, "Li!" and there were hands on his shoulders, trying to turn him over.

"Not… Li…" he gritted out, and at once those hands were snatched back.

The memories rolled over Zuko – of another boy, sharing his body, his head, his face.

...Uncle, looking at him with those sad eyes. Plying him with different herbs, different remedies, different **anything** to bring him back.

...Azula, triumphant – first over him, then over all of Ba Sing Se. She took him home to his father and his father had… he had…

...The ministers and courtiers laughing at him...

...His father accepting tea from Li's tray. And the times when he sent it back, forcing Li to remake it – to re-serve him over and over again…

Fire, pure and white, leaped from Zuko's hands, still tied behind his back. The rope withered away to ashes. Zuko ran: stumbling, crawling when he fell, until he reached the edge of the temple floor and could go no further. Not without flinging himself off into the canyon below.

Clutching his head, Zuko screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

Zuko sat at the edge of the air temple ledge, his legs dangling out into space, a cup of cooling tea in his hand. The cup was part of a mismatched set – ugly and chipped – and he knew just from the smell alone that someone had let the water get too hot before steeping.

He hated how the scent of tea still relaxed him.

A bark of laughter echoed back from the other side of the floor: the Avatar and his friends chatting and joking around a badly lit fire. No one had tried to rebind his hands, and a few hours ago Katar— _the waterbender_ had called him over for supper. Zuko had ignored her and she hadn't offered again.

An hour after that, the little blind earthbender quietly walked over and handed him the teacup. She had said nothing, but he still thought he saw pity behind her filmy eyes.

He looked away.

Now, Zuko sat, alone and determinedly not thinking about the friends he'd made among the palace staff as a servant named Li. If were still there, he would be busy helping the rest of the staff with preparing the nightly meal for the royals and nobles; talking and laughing together like the Avatar and his friends were doing right now.

Zuko heard footsteps behind him – too heavy of a tread to be anyone but the Water Tribe boy. A moment later the other boy cleared his throat from behind him.

"So…."

"What do you want?" Zuko asked roughly, not turning his head to look at him.

There was a little bit of a pause, then, "Hey buddy, you're the one sitting on my favorite ledge." And as if to prove his words, the Water Tribe boy took a final bold step forward and sat down next to him.

Zuko rolled his eyes. It was obviously a lie, but he was simply too bone- weary to call him out on it. So he said nothing, letting the silence speak for him.

Eventually the Water Tribe boy sighed and said, "Look, I'm not going to beat around the blubber, here: we helped you out, and Aang has to have a firebending teacher. So I need to know if you're with us or against us."

A hot burst of anger flared up in Zuko's chest, although it wasn't directed at the Water Tribe boy. Not really. Zuko may have been playing the servant for the last few months, but some part of him still had his pride – wounded and bruised as it was. He turned at last, narrowing his good eye at the other teen.

"You _need_ me to teach the Avatar."

"Weeelllll," the other boy drawled, "we thought about trying to find Jeong-Jeong again, but he's…" he flipped a hand artlessly in the air, indicating the empty landscape before them and beyond. "And I figure, you might have a bone to pick with the Fire Lord."

Zuko flinched involuntarily as the memories of the last few months tried to bubble up again. He firmly clamped down on them, closing his eyes and breathing though his nose.

"Just think about it," the Water Tribe boy said, when Zuko didn't reply. He got up and turned to leave, but Zuko's answer stopped him.

"I'll do it."


	3. Chapter 3

Zuko taught the Avatar.

It was difficult. There was little trust from the boy who would be his student, and Zuko could not stand Aang's pity. Worse, his own flame was nothing like it used to be. At first, Zuko feared the Dai Li had taken his fire from him, as they had taken his memories. Or perhaps it was divine punishment. He'd been brought so low that Agni had turned his warmth away.

After he met the dragons, he realized the truth: True fire was not fed by anger and hate. It was fueled by his passion. Fire was a representation of life itself.

By day he became the Avatar's teacher. At night, in his dreams, the memories of Li haunted him.

So he did his best not to sleep.

"You're dead on your feet, Sparky," Toph said one evening. Zuko had been standing on the lip of the temple floor, watching the sun sink to the horizon. The sky was cast in purples and oranges, and he was wondering how he was going to last the night without passing out.

"I'll survive," he said.

She snorted but didn't comment. "Pretty sunset."

"Yeah."

She snorted again. Zuko looked down and remembered her blindness. Growling to himself, he turned away, but she caught his arm.

"What's wrong?"

He shook off her hold. "I don't like being made fun of."

"I wasn't—"

"You were teasing."

"Relax, Hot Stuff. That's what friends do." She paused, head tilted. "You have had friends before, right?"

Li had, in Ba Sing Se. In the Fire Nation... he'd only had his betters who were more than happy to put him in his place.

"I don't like being laughed at," he snapped. "That's all everyone did back home in the palace when... when I was serving tea for them. And he—I, _Li_ didn't know why. He thought the Fire Lord and the ministers kept requesting his tea service because he was doing a good job. He had no idea he was the butt of every joke, and _I_..." He stopped, running a hand down his face, shaking his head. He couldn't go on.

He didn't know what he expected from Toph. Shame, perhaps, for pushing his buttons. More of that damned pity.

Instead, she tilted her head. "Back home, my parents treated me like a delicate blind girl. They saw who they wanted to see. Aang and Sweetness have dropped hints that after this whole war thing is over, I should make them see me as who I am. That I should reach out and make amends. But I'm not gonna."

Their situations were not exactly the same. But it was close. Zuko nodded.

Toph stared at him in the way only a blind girl could. "So, are you?"

"What?"

"Going to go back home after this is all done? Aang's going to defeat the Fire Lord," she said, rock steady like there was no reason to doubt that he could. "What are you going to do then, Prince Zuko?"

He felt like she had opened up a hole under his feet. He was falling... falling... falling...

Facing the people in the palace—not only his family, but the ministers, the other servants. Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula. Everyone who had called him Li and laughed behind their hands.

He didn't know if he could go back and retake his birthright. But if he didn't... who was he?

All Prince Zuko had wanted was to return home. All Li wanted was to serve tea and live an honorable, simple life.

Zuko... wanted neither of those things.

Instead of replying, he turned and walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

Looking back, Zuko would see that talk with Toph as a watershed moment for him. Toph had made him face things he had been unwilling to acknowledge. A truth that would have been unthinkable to him months ago: He wasn't sure where his destiny lay.

Li had been happy—truly happy in a way Zuko could _never_ be in the same role. Prince Zuko had not been happy in years.

As much as the uncertainty frightened him, it also freed him. He found himself relaxing and participated in the group more often, especially in the evening. He even chuckled at Sokka's lame attempts at a joke. And yes, he served tea when he could find appropriate leaves to dry out. The process calmed him, and the appreciation from the rest of the group was genuine. There was no more laughing at him.

Sleep... was still difficult. The dreams, the memories, ambushed him at night.

This peace couldn't last—it never lasted. Soon, Sozin's Comet was approaching. Zuko argued that Aang needed to face the Fire Lord. As Li the servant, he had not been privy to Ozai's war plans, but it was a badly kept secret that the whole Fire Nation military was planning something big.

It was time for the Avatar, finally, to reveal himself and face the Fire Lord. One by one, his friends swore to be by Aang's side. Last was Zuko's turn.

He hesitated. A thousand memories of his childhood flashed in front of his eyes. Despite everything he had gone through, he still grieved for the relationship with his father that could have been...

... But that had been a life lived by a different person. A person Zuko knew, but could no longer listen to.

"I'll be there," he rasped. "Together, we can take Ozai down."

Aang scowled. "You mean, kill him."

"Yes."

Aang looked at them all, his gray eyes wide. "You have no idea what you're asking me to do. This goes against all my teachings. I... I can't...!"

He turned and ran. Katara made to follow, but Zuko gripped her arm. "Let him go. He needs to think." _And to come to terms with reality_ , he did not say.

Perhaps that had been the wrong move. The next day, Aang had disappeared.

* * *

Their search for Aang brought them to the outer wall of Ba Sing Se, of all places, and to Iroh.

When they came upon him, Iroh had been deep within a conversation with another White Lotus member. He turned as if alerted by a sixth sense. Catching sight of Zuko, he stilled and stared.

Zuko could see the turmoil and pain in his Uncle's light bronzed eyes. Iroh wasn't sure how to address him—didn't know if he was still Li or not. And despite everything, how far Zuko had come, a part of him whispered that this was Master Mushi, the kindly tea maker.

Zuko took a step forward. "Uncle..."

Iroh's face cracked and before Zuko could blink the man had swept him into his arms. He was just as broad as Zuko had remembered, but now with hard muscle instead of soft fat.

It seemed Zuko was not the only one capable of change.


	5. Chapter 5

The Avatar was not hiding within the camp, but even Iroh agreed they must confront the Fire Lord. Sozin's Comet was now only a day away.

"Prince Zuko," Iroh said, "You must take the throne."

A knot of anxiety had formed in Zuko's belly the moment he heard the word ' _Prince_ '. "Me?"

Iroh nodded. "I cannot. The world would only see it as a brother fighting brother for the crown."

"How is that any different from a son usurping his father?" Zuko demanded.

He felt everyone's surprised gazes on him as if they had weight.

"Huh," Sokka cocked his head sideways. "No offense, but I thought you would jump all over this. You were obsessed with going back home as Prince."

Zuko rounded on him. Confronting the boy who he knew and trusted as a friend was a lot easier than his Uncle. "That was a year ago. I'm not... I'm not that person anymore." The next words were hard to say but they needed to be said. "I don't know who I am."

"You are Prince Zuko, heir to the dragon throne." There was a hint of sternness in Iroh's voice.

Zuko opened his mouth, but Toph jumped in. "He's sixteen years old. What's the legal age to be considered an adult in the Fire Nation? Because depending on the Earth Kingdom, it's up to twenty-one."

"Seventeen," Zuko said, grateful for the help, but he did not need any excuses. Besides, rules were bent all the time for the royal family. His Agni Kai, for example. Swallowing, he made himself turn back to Uncle. "How can I lead my people— _our_ people, when I'm unsure? Uncle, most of the nobles will see me as a servant. And I... see myself as him, sometimes."

"What are you saying?" Iroh asked.

The cooking fire leaped as his decision firmed. "It's better that the Fire Nation have no Lord at all than a weak one."

"Can't you be regent?" Sokka asked Iroh. "Zuko and Toph are right. Even if Zuko was still his old fiery self, you can't expect war-seasoned men to follow someone his age. I mean, the other Water Tribe warriors would laugh themselves seasick if I tried to be Chief."

Iroh looked at him. "I do not want the crown. I haven't for a very long time."

And part of Prince Zuko still did, even if he was painfully unsure of himself. He knew what he would be giving up. The light of history would shine favorably upon the person who helped the Avatar end the hundred-year war. That would be Iroh, not Zuko.

But to take the crown only to preserve his place in history would be selfish. His people and country would suffer. If he had learned anything by being Li, it was the value of humility.

"The crown is yours, Uncle. Help us win this war and bring peace to our nation."

From the sad look on Iroh's face, he noticed that Zuko had not promised to be his heir.

* * *

What slim half-hope Zuko had that Azula would be Iroh's heir in his place, died at the final Agni Kai. Something in Azula's mind shattered as Iroh fought her to a standstill under the harsh red light of the comet. Breaking the venerated rules of the duel, she shot a blast of lightning Zuko's way.

She snapped completely when Zuko redirected it up into the sky. Beaten, she fell to her knees, weeping blue fire. She looked so different from the princess who had ordered him to serve her and her friends, as Li. So different from the terror of a sister who had fought him for their father's affection and had always won.

Iroh turned tired eyes from his niece to his nephew. For one terrible moment, Zuko feared he would ask, again, for him to take the crown. Perhaps Iroh saw that fear because with a heavy sigh, he turned to the waiting Fire Sages.


	6. Chapter 6

**Epilogue**

* * *

Zuko stood on the balcony overlooking the great courtyard, gazing out over the sea of celebrating people. Iroh's coordination and the official end of the war had been hours ago, but people were still dancing and celebrating. At least, the ones dressed in Earth Kingdom and Water Tribe colors were. The Fire Nation did not... dance.

 _Pity_ , he thought. He'd danced as Li in Ba Sing Se, a few times after the tea shop had closed. It had been fun.

"You aren't wearing your fancy prince crown," said a young voice behind him.

Zuko did not miss a beat. "How can you tell? You can't see it."

"Because it's made of metal. Duh." Joining his side, Toph punched him lightly on the shoulder.

Zuko scowled, but she didn't seem to care.

"Why aren't you joining the celebrations? I know you want to."

"It wouldn't be proper," he admitted.

Classless as always, she made a gagging sound. "They are determined to beat you in a mold, huh? I know your Uncle cares, but..."

Zuko made a sound of agreement. Despite his protestations, he was a prince again. And while his return to the royal court was not as difficult as he'd feared (he suspected this was Iroh's doing. No one wanted to risk the wrath of the new Fire Lord), he knew he didn't have the respect of the ministers and nobles. It wasn't easy for someone of high breeding to bow to someone who had once served them.

"What are you going to do about it?" Toph asked.

He rolled one shoulder in a shrug. "I was thinking of running away."

It was the flat truth, but he still expected Toph to laugh.

Instead, she punched his shoulder again. "Cool. Change out of your pretty clothes and meet Sokka and me in the kitchens in fifteen minutes."

He whipped around to stare at her. She wasn't joking. "You won't try to talk me out of it?"

"Are you kidding? We're going with you. Snoozles figured this was coming, and we decided it would be fun."

"But... why?"

"I'm not going back home to be my parent's doll," Toph said flatly. "Aang's got his Avatar thing to do, and Katara is... sort of _with_ him. Sokka could go home to the South Pole, but he got bit by the travel bug now. He wants to be the good heir-in-waiting as much as you do."

Zuko stared at her, taken aback. Then slowly... a true smile spread across his face. Not the naive smile of Li who didn't know better, or the cruel mockery of humor that had once graced Prince Zuko's. Whoever he was now, this happiness felt wholly his own.

He looked again out the window, focusing out to the vast horizon which was full of promise.

It was past time he find himself. His true self.

"Fifteen minutes," he confirmed, crossing the room to write a brief note to his Uncle. "I'll be there."

The end.


End file.
